|Economics and Politics|
I've decided to make politics and economics more understandable and fun by turning it
'Murican CapitalismYou wake up in the morning to the national anthem. You get in your Ford Raptor truck and drive to your
ranch, where you spend the long day wrangling cattle. You get back home and eat a large meal of mashed potatoes
and steak. You have a heart attack. You can't afford to go to a hospital and die.
Anarcho-CapitalismYou wake up to an ad for Wendys™ recreational nuclear warheads. You get in your tank and drive to the
McDonalds™ Mega corp headquarters. You get accused of committing McTreason™ for Carls Jr.™ by stealing McProperty™.
by doing so, you are violating the non-aggression principle. A McNuclear™ McAirstrike™ is deployed on your house.
McDonalds™ McAnnexes™ your land.
CapitalismYou wake up in your apartment to screech of your alarm. You drive your falling-apart 1993 Toyota to your dead-end job.
You toil away for hours for little pay. You get home and eat a sub par microwaved dinner. You contemplate your existence.
Canadian-ismYou wake up to the refreshing sound of Niagara Falls. You get on your horse and ride to the forest where you gather maple
syrup. Before you can get to Tim Hortons for dinner, you feel a sharp pain in your abdomen. You drive to the hospital and
the doctor orders a CT scan. However, you are placed onto a wait list. You die from colon cancer after waiting over a year,
never getting your scan.
European-ismYou wake up to a folk-song, get in your Volkswagen Golf, and drive to work at the local restaurant. You eat a giant steak.
You get Mad-Cow disease and die. The USA bans beef from your country, and there is universal mass hysteria.
Marxist CommunismYou wake up to the sound of your comrades toiling away. You walk down to the commune farm and spend the day harvesting crops
and feeding animals. For dinner, everybody takes as much as they want. However, fat Alex takes way too much and there's no food
left. Everybody agrees to banish Alex.
Soviet CommunismYou wake up to the glorious anthem of the motherland. You get in your LADA and drive down to the chainsaw factory for your union
job. You spend the entire day building chainsaws. You get a few food coupons to spend. You go to the local breadline to redeem them
but by the time that it's your turn, the bread is rotten. You drink a bottle of vodka.
Republican DemocracyYou wake up to the sound of Fox News. You look out the window. Your neighbors look more poor than you. You get into your Mercedes
and move to another neighborhood. You celebrate with beer and more Fox News.
Democrat DemocracyYou wake up to a pop song about creating social change. Your neighbors look more poor than you. You feel bad and vote a "feel-good"
politician into office who taxes you more and gives it to your neighbors. You feel poor.
Libertarian DemocracyYou wake up to the smell of drugs. You grab a blunt and complain about the criminalization of drugs. You look on your computer and see
that Elon Musk smoked weed. You feel proud.
Neckbeard-ismYou wake up to the smell of chicken tenders. You don your fedora and roll off the bed and onto your desk chair. You go on /pol/ and start
complaining about how you can't get a girlfriend. A bunch of idiots agree with you. Nothing happens.
Anonymous[REDACTED] wake up and boot up your PC running a custom Linux distro. [REDACTED] see a bunch of [REDACTED] fellow comrades complaining about
the US government. [REDACTED] all hack into their servers and render the US nuclear arsenal inoperable. Some journalist writes a story about
the hack. The government somehow patches the server back together.
Page last updated on: Feb 27th, 2019
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